I had a bad dream

Assalamualaikum.

Before I knew my result, I had a really bad dream. It's actually a mixing between a good and a bad dream.  In my dream, my mum..u know..what can be a bad dream than that. I don't want to say it. But I don't remember how it happened. I think she's just 'left' me when she was sleeping. And then I cried a lot until at one time, there's someone came and I open the door. He gave me my result, it's not a matrix's result but I know in that dream that it's my examination's result. When I opened it, I knew that I'm excellent in it. But somehow my end marks is not as what I thought but it's still good enough and I'm very thankful to Him.

When I woke up, I heard a message came from my cellhone and I knew that it is my result. And yes, it did happened like in my dream. But I just hope that another part in my dream doesn't happening ever. Please Allah, I hope I'll be dead first before my mum. I can't face it if it happen to me. I hope it's a vice-versa from that.

Do you ever imagine if you lose your mother? After what we had done to them, sometimes we hurt them without we notice about it. What will happen if we don't have a chance to say sorry to them? I love my mum so much and I really can't live without her. I should be more thankful to Allah for giving me the best mum in the world. She have a lot of patience and she's very lovely. Maybe I never say it to her or anybody but I can't live without you, mother. I need you. Please don't leave me.

My mum has turn 60. I don't know how much time left for me to be with her. I'm always busier with my study and after this maybe I'll be busy for my work. I wish sometimes to always be beside her, have a work but always have a time for her. Hopefully I can be with her when she's happy or sad, in trouble or in a fine condition. Maybe I'm not a good daughter but I always want to make her happy no matter what. Maybe one day her wish may hurt my feeling but I'll always do anything that will make her happy. Maybe I don't have much time left to be with her. That's why I need to do my best to make her happy in her life.
Who knows when I'm gonna died to, right? Only Allah knows...

Mum, I'm sorry if I ever hurt you..of course I never meant it. I always want to make you and dad to be the happiest parents ever in this world. Everything I do is and was for both of you. I love you forever and after, in this world and also hereafter. I'm happy because I made them happy recently from my success and I will always make them happy after this. Yes mummy, I dedicate my life first just for Allah and the prophet,
Rasulullah SAW, the one that I always miss and next of course just for you mum and for dad.



My mum is amazing. I have done so much things before this that may made her hurt but I'm still living because of her patience. When I read back my old diary, in that diary I blame her for not giving me a chance to couple before this. And when I read it now, I really regret what I had said. I realize now that she had done something just for my own best. And I never regret for choosing this path, to make her happy and never couple until I marry. Sometimes you don't agree with your parent, how they simply just said to you "don't" and "don't", but of course they know better that you. Believe me, no, believe in your parent..

It's hurt enough for her to giving me a birth once upon time and I hope that will be the last pain she'll ever feel from me. Thank you mummy for giving me a chance to live in this world.

p/s : Mum, thank you for being such a great mother to us.

p/ss : this is some kind of promise I made. Hopefully it will remind me when things go wrong one day...

Pendamkan saja

Tidak ada gunanya untuk menyatakan segala-galanya bila ianya tiada makna jika diuar-uarkan sekalipun. Apa yang berada di hati, biarlah selamanya di hati. Kau pun tahu akibatnya bila mula menyatakan hasrat di hati, akhirnya merana diri. Pasti ada hikmah disebaliknya...

I want a kitten

 awww!!!!

 they are too cute!!!

 Owwwhhh... *blinking

look at thosee...are not they cuuttee???

p/s : aww..It has been a long time since the last day I own them..I really need to own one..( never)

I will miss her

Hahh..my sis, she'll go to KL and live there after this because she have got a job! At last..and seems like it's a nice work and she kinda like it. But maybe she kinda nervous, no wonder, because she's still new at it and never know what she needs to do for that position that she get. Whatever it is, I pray for her best. Hopefully, she can cope with it. But I'm kinda worried about her safety there. She's really a small and short woman..hee.. I hope she'll be fine. Who's the most great protecter than Allah, right? And anything happen from His consent. Allah is the best hope...

There..there..nothing's perfect. I had imagine before this that my mum, sis and me will stay in this house at least until I enter the university. It'll be fun to have them in this house. But my sis need to go and work at other place. I never imagine that! My mum will be sad, because my sis is her best companion..not me..hehe..me in the other hand, love to stay and be alone. Yeah, that's really me. I love silence, it's peaceful for me.

This makes me remember when I was small, a little kid in elementary school where my sis at first need to enter 'sekolah berasrama penuh'. I'm kinda shocked at that time. She's my best partner at home, she's my only sis. I'm kinda sad when she left and of course she's too. And one year after that, my brother's turn. Another one goes.. left me and my other brother. At least I have him right. And the story continues when my sis can't cope with the school life and she return to home and enter the 'sekolah harian biasa'. I was so happy at that time.

When I get older, I understand now that's life. People come and goes from our life. They got a new friends but it doesn't meant they don't love us. And I'll always love my siblings! <3 I realize that there's many of song is about love between couple but not many is about siblings. Maybe it seems like it's not an exciting story because, siblings, we have them already! It's not an exciting topic. Not like coupling. But your sweetheart can come and goes as they please, and at last you'll find your brother or sister back to shed your tears right? And I always thinking, why people choose their loved one more than their siblings? For their wife of husband, maybe it's right but for those who doesn't marriage yet, is it your loved one is so important? Because I found out that my siblings is the most important part in my life. Maybe because I don't have my own sweetheart but of course I never want to have one!

Recently, my sis had engaged. And by Allah's will, at the end of this year, she'll be married. I've already cried during her engagement day and I can't imagine what will I do next in the day of her marriage..haha.. I know somehow, of course Allah knows what's the best for His servant. My mother, she must be sad when my sis get marry after this but at least she still have me. And it's lucky for her that I'm the youngest one. That's meant, I won't get marry after my sis..haha.. Allah always knows..

Sis, you're the loudest one and I'm the silence one. And that's makes us perfect with each other..haha.. You always love your younger brother and sister, there's no doubt of it and I want to tell you that I'll always love you too! Take care and always be yourself. You are the best sis I ever had in this world! ^^

Congratulation my sis, you've got the medal of the world's greatest sister! (from me of course)haha..

p/s : Woo.. something happen to me eyes..a little bit touching this night..haha..luckily,  my sis doesn't know about my blog.

p/ss : special to my sis, I'll always love you.. ^^

p/sss : Ahha, I've just finish baking a choc cake just now. It's actually for my sis because she wants me to do it.. (she's very lazy to do it! *annoying face) :-)

Tiga amalan yang paling Allah sukai

“ Diriwayatkan daripada Abdullah bin Mas’ud r.a, katanya : “ Saya telah bertanya kepada Nabi SAW : “ Amalan apakah yang paling disukai oleh Allah ? ” Baginda menjawab : “ Sembahyang dalam waktunya. ” Beliau bertanya lagi : “ Kemudian amalan manakah pula? ” Baginda menjawab: “ Kemudian berbakti kepada ibubapa. ” Beliau bertanya lagi: “ Kemudian amalan manakah pula? ” Baginda menjawab: “ Berjihad di jalan Allah. ” Beliau berkata lagi: “ Baginda SAW telah berbicara kepada saya tentang semua itu. Seandainya saya meminta Baginda SAW menambah lagi, pasti Baginda SAW menambah untuk saya. ”

[Hadis riwayat Bukhari]

Kesimpulannya, jikalau mahukan kasih sayang Allah, mahu Dia merahmati kita dan mencintai kita, maka lakukanlah apa yang Dia suka. Antaranya kita mestilah :

1) Solat pada waktunya

Lebih baik kalau kita tahu bila akan masuknya azan pada setiap waktu (Subuh, Zohor, Asar, Maghrib dan Isyak), supaya 15 minit atau lebih awal sebelum azan itu kita sudah bersedia untuk mula mengambil air sembahyang, memakai telekung (bagi wanita), dan duduk di atas sejadah. Dengan ini juga kita dapat mendengar (jika rumah dekat dengan masjid atau surau, ataupun melalui television) azan dan menghayatinya dengan lebih baik. Itu adalah antara amalan untuk mendapatkan khusyuk ketika solat juga (menghayati azan), cuba dengar dan hayati apa yang terkandung dalam setiap lafaz azan tersebut, anda pasti akan tersentuh.

Antara amalam-amalan untuk mendapatkan solat yang khusyuk yang boleh saya kongsikan adalah:
a) anda boleh melakukan solat sunat fardhu (sebelum dan selepas)
b) memahami niat solat fardhu
c) memahami dan menghayati ayat-ayat Al-Quran dan setiap lafaz-lafaz yang dibacakan di dalam solat (Mungkin ramai yang tahu mengenai hal ini tetapi masih sukar bagi mereka untuk melaksanakannya dengan pelbagai alasan dan masalah yang mereka sendiri timbulkan. Allah memberikan kepada kita pelbagai nikmat dan menyempurnakan hak kita tetapi kita sebagai hambaNya tidak pula sedemikian.)
d) membayangkan kaabah ada di hadapan kita dan malaikat Izrail di belakang kita yang bila-bila masa sahaja akan mencabut nyawa kita

2) Berbakti kepada kedua ibu bapa

Pelbagai jasa dan pengorbanan mereka terhadap kita yang tidak mungkin dapat kita balas. Oleh itu, di sepanjang hayat mereka kita seharusnya menghargai, menyayangi dan menjaga mereka dengan baik terutamanya ketika mereka sudah tua.

 

My parent is my everything.. I love both of them so much!

3) Berjihad di jalan Allah

Teringat saya, pernah kawan-kawan saya berkata apabila kita sudah melafazkan kalimah lailahaillallah, automatic kita adalah seorang pendakwah di jalan Allah. Kita semua adalah pendakwah, jangan menyalahkan para ustaz, ulama dan sebagainya sahaja atas segala kehancuran di dalam masyarakat pada hari ini malah di bahu kita telah tergalas tanggungjawab tersebut. Sedarlah wahai diriku dan sahabat...

Sekian.

p/s : Aku sangat menyayangi ibu bapaku tetapi aku tidak pandai untuk mengungkapkannya. Takut sahaja bila mereka telah tiada, barulah aku sedar bahawa aku telah terlambat untuk menyatakannya...

Need to be myself...

Haha..something has finally make me smiling back tonight. I found my old diary and old IM with my friends and the special one. It's fun to read it back, the story in it make the old memories become fresh back in my mind. The fun, sad and funny part.. everything becomes so sweet now. Eventhough it's a bitter experience before... :-)

Somehow, I've understand now that I just need to go with the flow of my life. The important thing is that I need to do my BEST in everything that I involve with. Just do my best, and let the rest.

p/s : Next week, I'll know my result..suspen week...

Teka-teki... (Part 1)

Sejak kebelakangan ni, aku asyik memikirkan masa depan saja. Tak tahu kenapa. Bagaimana aku terleka dan terlalai sebentar sahaja, ianya mungkin akan mengubah masa hadapan ku buat selama-lamanya. Aku terlepas untuk cek temuduga hari itu. Sungguh aku sangat risau akan hal itu. Tetapi hal yang telah berlalu tidak dapat dikembalikan lagi. Semuanya salahku tapi aku juga tak mampu buat apa-apa buat masa ini.

Kebelakangan ini asyik terfikir, ke mana langakah aku selepas ini. Memang, dalam diriku ini telah aku tanam sekian lama untuk menjadi seorang doktor apabila besar kelak. Dan, aku tidak pernah berhenti atau meyerah walaupun kadang-kadang aku kalah. Aku tetap bangun dan berusaha kembali. Kadang-kadang aku berjaya tetapi kebanyakan masa aku 'close to the success'. Aku sedar, semuanya atas kelalaian aku sendiri, perasaan malas aku sendiri dan masalah diriku sendiri yang tidak pernah mencuba sedaya upaya aku, tidak dapat memberikan yang terbaik terhadap apa yang aku lakukan. Tetapi segala usaha yang telah aku lakukan selama ni, aku tidak pula merasakan ianya sia-sia.

Sesungguhnya Allah tidak akan mengubah nasib sesuatu kaum sehingga mereka mengubah keadaan yang ada pada diri mereka sendiri.

Surah Ar-Ra’d (ayat 11)

Maknanya, semuanya atas usaha kita sendiri. Yang paling bagi diriku bahawa Allah tidak pernah melihat kepada hasil tetapi Dia melihat pada usaha kita, sebanyak mana kita berusaha untuk berjaya. Tengoklah, betapa Dia Maha Mengetahui. Kalaulah Allah melihat pada hasil sahaja, cuba bayangkan, manusia pasti akan melakukan apa sahaja untuk memperoleh hasil yang terbaik, menipu, merasuah, merosakkan malah memusnahkan. Betapa bijaknya Tuhan kita, Maha Pencipta.

Tiba-tiba, aku diserang perasaan ragu-ragu. Mampukah aku atau layakkah aku untuk mencapai cita-citaku. Setakat mana yang aku lihat, doktor-doktor yang aku kenal semuanya berjaya dengan menjadi yang terbaik. Maksudku, dia menjadi yang terbaik, mendapat pencapaian yang cemerlang, maksimum. Bermakna kalau 10 matapelajaran yang dia ambil di dalam SPM, maka 10 A1 atau 10 A la yang dia akan dapat. Dan jika dia memasuki kolej, maka 4.0 flat  lah yang dia dapat. U see, they got the best. Maka tidak hairanlah dia menjadi seorang doktor sekarang.

Berbeza dengan diriku, aku tidak sebegitu. Aku jadi ragu-ragu dan kurang keyakinan seketika. Selama ini dalam kotak fikiranku, aku hanya nampak baju putih yang menyarungi badanku dan stethoscope yang mengelilingi leherku. Hanya itu, setiap masa dan ketika, hanya itu yang aku tahu. Aku terlalu yakin dnegan diriku, keyakinan itu tidak salah cuma aku tak pula mendapat keputusan yang cemerlang dalam peperiksaanku. Bagaimana aku hanya punya fikiran yang begitu, bagaimana jikalau aku tidak dapat mencapai cita-citaku? Ke mana arahku selepas itu? Ye, itulah yang aku fikirkan baru-baru ini.

Ke manakah langkahku selepas itu?