WEIGHT!!!

Assalamualaikum.

Hye2, apa khabar semua? (ceyhh, bajet ada ramai orang baca blog dia je kan). Tape2, yang penting confident. hehe. Kali ini nak menceritakan tentang pengalaman baru aku di sini, di universiti ini. But this's not about this university or my friends or my seniors bla bla bla( word Prof. Pari..haha...sangat comel bila dia cakap macam ni), but it's about me, once again. :D Well, of course la kan, title for this blog pun saya dah tukar which is 'A Real Diary of a Medical Student' which I thought will be more compatible with all of my entries kan. So, yeah, after this I'll just write about my personal diary in here(not that personal la kan). I really hope la that my friends, lecturers, or seniors doesn't find my blog. huhuhu.. kalau tak nanti buat malu je.

So today I'll talk( I don't know which words is suitable la, talk write say???apa beza talk and say kan. ape2 la..) about WEIGHT. MY WEIGHT. Sebelum ini when I was in primary school I never thought about this. I was fat during that time but I never care to have it because I was still a small girl. And then when I went for a secondary school, I had an ideal weight when I was in Form 1 because my height was increasing drastically more than my weight. So at that time, only at that particular time, I had an experience to have an ideal body weight. And when I was in Form 3 to 4, my weight increase more that my height and as you already predicted yes I was fat during that time. Still, I don't care much about my body. And when I think about it back, it's weird of how I have an admirer when I was Form 4. haha.

What I want to stress here is that, the reason of why I never care about my weight of all this time. The reason is because my close and bestiest friends around me also have a weight which is more that the ideal weight but I'm more fatter than them la. So when I was around them, I just feel normal, you see. And one more reason is because I was really lazy to go for an exercise and in addition, I ate what I want without any constriction and with any quantity that I like.

So the lessons from my laziness life before this is that I'm becoming an unconfident girl right now when I enter this university. Why? Because whether I like or not, my friends and seniors which surrounds me in here are all have an ideal weight plus beautiful(for girls only). Yeah, THE ENVIRONMENT HAVE CHANGE. I'm not with my best friends anymore, I'm in this new environment which give me a stress. But whatever it is, I try to take it positively and alhamdulillah with Allah's guide I know what I have to do after this.

So untuk adik-adik di luar sana yang ada masalah obesity, cuba sedaya upaya anda untuk mendapatkan BMI yang normal okay. Ianya bukan untuk orang lain tetapi untuk diri anda sendiri. Yeah, untuk kepuasan diri anda sendiri especially girls la. Boys pun sama juga sebenarnya. Hmm, there's a lot of lessons that I got la walaupun baru beberapa minggu di sini. Hope I'll survive! Pray for me okay! Insyaallah..

p/s : Seronok la macam ini, boleh bagi nasihat untuk adik-adik or orang lain di luar sana. Belum jadi doktor betul lagi..hehe.. :PPP

Upss, I'm going to talk about it once again!!

Bismillahhirrahmanirrahim.

Assalamualaikum.

As my title told you, yes I'm going to repeat my old entry. It's about confident. Remember my last entry about 'When my confident crash!', yeahh, I'm gonna write about it once again. For my old entry, I remember I felt unconfident because of many pretty girls in facebook. And now, once again, I feel unconfident but not because of facebook BUT because of all the beautiful girls (including my friends and seniors) here.

If and only if you know what I feel ( I just hope you can feel it)...

Last two days, I had done the body composition to check for amount of fat, water. muscle in body, BMI and so on using that machine (which I dunno yet what it's called). Our lecturer, Prof. Murali made it compulsory for us to do that (which if he don't force us, I surely wouldn't do it). So, this one machine can tell your body age, that's mean, from what it calculate about your body fat, and bla bla bla, it conclude that your now body is in what age. And my body age is 40. I think I'm the oldest la. Compare to others, ada yang 30 lebih jugak but I still tak dengar lagi ada yang dapat 40 and above. First time I knew about it, I'm not so sad. I just try my best to ignore the result and forget about it. But later, my friends kept bothered me by asking my body age and it makes me remember about it, it makes me stress and, sad. This is one of the reason why I feel unconfident right now.

In addition, my skin's getting darker. It's all because of the orientation week! huhuhu..my skin especially my face is not as before. Well, my mum said I'm not that dark but still different from before la. This's the third reason.

The fourth reason is because I'm FAT! Yes, I am. Compare to my friends, I'm FAT. And actually yes it's true that I'm in the obesity state right now.

Fifth, I'm not as famous as before when I'm in high school. It's not that I'm crazy to be famous but it's just that people don't want to listen to me that I feel useless. Just like that. Well, I'm not even capable to be the leader's assistant for my class because I'm not a talkative person. T.T  I feel useless and so sad..

Sixth, I feel unconfident because everyone ignores me! T.T including my senior. Well, bukanlah ignore macam tak layan if I'm gonna ask them or something it's just that they have no reason to talk to me. It seems like nothing but I feel something because it's different from my life in high school before this.

Yeah, I think this is the major reasons why I feel unconfident. I keep have a negative thinking which I dunno why I'm like this...! wuuu...I'm not like this before. I'm not a negative person. I'm not...! Help ME! I really wish somebody can help me to overcome this. I can't think positive anymore. That positive data is missing from my brain.

p/s : Positive Liyana, positive!

p/ss: I need to settings my feelings la, I need to know how to differentiate between love and impress+like someone's charm and advantages.

Luahan perasaan Tajuk utama : Mengenai CINTA...

Assalamualaikum.

First of all, minta maaf lah sebab entry kebelakangan ni asyik meluahkan perasaan je. I don't know where to tell about my problem so that's why I think this is the best place I can search and go to tell and write and say all the things that I wanna say.

Like the title, today @ tonight I want to say about love. Yes, love which I think any new students in the new university can't terlepas dari hal ini. Whether they keep it tight in their heart or they told it to their family or friends. Girls especially yang baru masuk U ni pasti akann TERjatuh hati pada their U's YDP. Believe me, don't u say you don't like your U's YDP. I think it's normal la since girls or one day we'll be a women, will like a man who can lead and have a high charisma, those who can atrract others when they talk and can talk spontaneously and continuously. So that's a charm that women like in man.. Yes, and I'm that one of girls who like my U's YDP. As usual, where's the best place to find people that we really want to know except from facebook right? I find his profile and I found it. BUT! After he approved me, I just knew that he has a GF. Wuahh, I feel really kecewa... seriously. I just know it tonight so that's why I feel really sad right now.. huhuhu..

I really want to say sorry because I agak merepek malam ni. Macam he will like me je kan if I add him in facebook. I think to be with him is 1% or less compare to the others beautiful and smart girls who like him too. But as I said before, I just want to express my feelings only, in here so that I won't remember it anymore for the next time.

I just think that love is not for me.

p/s : I will continue it later since my laptop's battery is low. Goodnight! Assalamualaikum.

New life in university

Assalamualaikum.

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

I don't know how much time I'm wasting my 'air mata' in here, at this new place. I'm not like this when I was in matrix once before. I don't know la maybe it's too tiring and tension here. I mean, if I stay at Kampus Gong Badak I think I can try to adapt with the environment because I'm used with it. But know suddenly we need to pindah here at Kampus Kota without knowing any single things in here, that I feel like a strangers. Like kambing masuk kampung ( I'm not sure whether kambing or what kind of animal). The tired feeling is still here in my body and now we need to continue our next orientation day this weekend. We're so lucky, right? And I'm totally wired off...

Actually, I should start my entry with my life during the orientation week at Kampus Gong Badak but I already wrote it in the diary so I think if I feel rajin to type it, I'll type it here. For the first time I arrived at Kampus Kota, I felt blur. And that's the first day in Terengganu that I cried. Hardly. Yeah, it has been a long time since the last time I cried so hard like that. It's because of a lot of pressure I've been face and need to go through that I finally let it OUT! Yeah...finally..

And it's not just that, tonight I cried again when I know that we must go to the orientation in this weekend and can't give any lame excuse. Well, they give us a chance to go out with parents using the free time that we have but I think it's not berbaloi since they come here a long way and I just can see them for only an hour. Who will be satisfied with that right? And once again I can't do anything that it makes me feel easy to cry rather than talking back or anything else.

And you must be wonder why I type in english. It's because we, here, need to talk in english whether in lecture, class or when we talk to the lecturer. The aim is because to make us getting used with that language. And it's kinda of cultural shock to me but I still try my best to talked in english with my friends. Luckily, they don't laugh at me. And then the lecturer that we got here, some of them come from outside of our country that they have their own accent. Sometimes, I just can't understand what they said and sometimes they talked to fast that I feel dizzy. Honestly, I feel boring to learn and talk in english almost everytime that I just feel want to talk in malay back, as usual.

This first week of lecture, I can say that I feel blur. There's so many things that I need to get used first and of course we're talking about time here. I need some time to get used with all of this new things that I face. One think that I want, I just hope I won't give up in this field that I already choose.

When we started our lecture, it's funny of how easy I felt sleepy that I cant stand to open my eyes anymore. And then I remember that biology is always the boring and sleepy subject when I was in matrix. And then I wonder of how come I take this course when I was always sleepy at the biology lecture in matrix. I'll rather make math or chemy's practice in my room at matrix rather that study bio because I know from the time I start to open the book, I'll feel sleepy.

And one more thing,  I think that my friends don't liek me so much and I don't know why. I always try my best to keep smiling when I see them. Yeah, I'm a silent person but can it make them hate me? huhu. I tried my sis's advice and I still don't know whether it works or not.

The best thing about being here is that the internet is so fast that I don't have a problem to do anything involving internet anymore. I'm very thankful about this one thing. It seems like I can wrote many entry la after this since I can online whenever I want. Well, just one way for me to express my feelings only.

Overall, I just can't get used with the life here. I hope I can get used as soon as possible so that I'll just have to think about study only after this. Insyaallah.